Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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