i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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