My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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