Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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