do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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