batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
