come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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