I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
