he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
