i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
