ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The Olympian is in my bed
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
