Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
