I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
