I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
