Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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