I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The air was thick with penises
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
