remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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