Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
