It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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