Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
