he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
