I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Less talking, more tequila
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
