I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Randomize
