Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The uberlube is also flammable
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
