the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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