Pants 0. Shit 1.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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