I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
