i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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