life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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