why didn't you poke me back
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
