and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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