he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
