being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
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Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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