This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
