Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.