Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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