she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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