I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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