Texts From Last Night

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different

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  (937): I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different http://tfl.nu/6y7e
  Replies (2) Good night (1723) Bad night (656)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.

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  (503): I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me. http://tfl.nu/a7z0
  Replies (31) Good night (2964) Bad night (1543)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.

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  (845): I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News. http://tfl.nu/qk7t
  Replies (86) Good night (4836) Bad night (1149)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods

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  (706): They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods http://tfl.nu/a68f
  Replies (13) Good night (7142) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.

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  (813): His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up. http://tfl.nu/2dvo
  Replies (1) Good night (2793) Bad night (952)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.

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  (912): You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood. http://tfl.nu/fy7n
  Replies (5) Good night (2425) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...

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  (319): Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts... http://tfl.nu/b46l
  Replies (13) Good night (2064) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I feel awful

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Physically or morally

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.

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  (513): I feel awful (1-513): Physically or morally (513): Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances. http://tfl.nu/3wvv
  Replies (10) Good night (2702) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick

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  (707): Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick http://tfl.nu/qfj7
  Replies (3) Good night (1705) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.

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  (203): A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM. http://tfl.nu/tstz
  Replies (4) Good night (2529) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...

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  (225): Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down... http://tfl.nu/qxa1
  Replies (2) Good night (475) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...

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  (517): Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night... http://tfl.nu/6g5l
  Replies (1) Good night (309) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD

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  (203): she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard (203): GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD http://tfl.nu/qncq
  Replies (1) Good night (949) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  The Easter dress struggle is real

  (206): View more from Washington

  Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.

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  (303): The Easter dress struggle is real (206): Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke. http://tfl.nu/nr48
  Replies (0) Good night (385) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am

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  (765): i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am http://tfl.nu/zc5y
  Replies (3) Good night (354) Bad night (313)

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