Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.