I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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