Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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