from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
