Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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