I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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