So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
