This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
