loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
