Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so let's talk penis.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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