im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
