sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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