bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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