break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
