She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
