idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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