We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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