I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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