I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think I am morally bankrupt
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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