Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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