he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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