you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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