I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
