I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
