Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
