OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
