Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
