my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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