So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
