Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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