Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
false alarm. still invincible.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
